I didn't see it coming!
I had my (almost)annual eye exam yesterday. I have had at least 20 in my life. I have had the same puff of air blown into the same eyes each of these times. I know it is coming. I know it doesn't really hurt. I know it is best not to brace myself and try and relax. No matter how much I talk to myself and try to convince myself that nothing is going to happen.... "just keep your eyes open, Jill. Relax!!!!" .... I can not fool myself and I tense up in knots and await the dreaded PUFF!!!!!
I hate it every time. I hate it mostly because I can not control the way I act toward it. I have formed feelings about it and I know what to expect, thus I react.
God was smart in not giving us the full story line of our lives. We can not read the last chapter then return to chapter 40. We must take it as it comes. We have no idea when the PUFFS are coming. Yet, we know they are bound to come.
2006 was full of difficult PUFFS for us. Some of them could have been avoided if we had seen what was coming. We could have braced ourselves, been prepared, not loved wholeheartedly! Wait. That may be the point.
Maybe God knows that if we knew the PUFF was coming, we would brace ourselves and hold back. He needs us to love those He brings into our life with a whole heart. Not with a heart that is bracing for injury. I realize that some have received so many PUFFS in their life, that they brace for everything. PUFF or no puff. They are braced, prepared, ready to avoid hurt. What a difficult pose to maintain.
May we all let 2006 be the year that we fully relax, not anticipating the PUFF that may or may not come, but enjoying the beautiful views that He is sending. And may we, when the PUFFS come, relax and trust in the One who has created our vision.
posted by Jill at 9:45 PM
3 Comments:
"I realize that some have received so many PUFFS in their life, that they brace for everything."
Yes, I have been this alot of my life. Hiding, protecting myself, biting at people who tried to love me...The way God has changed that is by taking the meaning from the injury. I trust in him to make it all ok even if it doesn't look like that it right now. It will be ok. The other thing I have learned is that even when you are braced, injury comes anyway. The bracing actually makes it hurt more because the illusion of your control has been broken. Besides what is in me has more value given away than stored under wraps.
You are right though, probably if I had seen the puffs, I might have loved more reluctantly. I'm glad I didn't, hurts not withstanding.
"And may we, when the PUFFS come, relax and trust in the One who has created our vision."
Yes, this is a good idea.
"The other thing I have learned is that even when you are braced, injury comes anyway. The bracing actually makes it hurt more because the illusion of your control has been broken. "
That is a good point, MJ. Yes, the bracing can cause even more damage than would otherwise have occurred. I had not thought about that.
At least for me, if I was told ahead of time the pain involved in loving someone, I would probably just go ahead and opt out before diving in. That would be tragic. There is almost always pain involved in love. I just keep running in to relationships hoping that this time there will be more love, more trust, more of what He intended. That is what keeps me from quitting after an injury. I am just foolish enough to think that things can be better.
I just keep running in to relationships hoping that this time there will be more love, more trust, more of what He intended. That is what keeps me from quitting after an injury. I am just foolish enough to think that things can be better.
I know exactly what you mean
That's what I mean about Samwise and diving into the water even though you don't know how to swim. Would he have done it if he knew that Frodo was going to send him packing and follow Golllum? Probably. He was pretty darned foolish. But then, he is the real hero of that story. I think more than anyone else. He is most like Jesus. Not because he is so "wise" or profound, but because he is a bringer of hope to the hopeless, because he is willing to love in the face of being spit on. It had to kill him to walk down that mountain alone. After all he had done. But you know, he still turned around and walked back up it again. He ran into injury for the sake of being loving.
We can't control what other people do. We can only control ourselves and no matter how hurt I get, I have decided that life is about what kind of person I am, more than what kind of people are around me. My life has to be about what I do, more than what is done to me. I want things to be better. So, what I control is my yard and things are going to be better in my yard if I have anything to say about it.
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