God loves me

Our precious Joshua turned 5 today. Five must be a big deal. It is the first birthday I remember. Our older kids all made a big deal out of five and seem to remember it. JOshua surely will not forget today. He woke us up early this morning with the sun to tell us he was 5. It was like Christmas morning to him. He was jubilant. He ran through the house telling us he was five.

Then.... he looked out the window. SNOW! Not predicted, not expected, not planned. A white carpet of snow lay outside coating the world! Joshua squealed with delight. "It's my birthday cake!" he proclaimed. "Now, I know God loves me". He continued to run through the house informing everyone that God had sent him snow. He prayed at our family breakfast. His prayer was so precious as he thanked God for making our family and for making the snow. I haven't got things figured out like Joshua. I don't know exactly when God is giving or taking away or what to make of it all. I love that Joshua's default is that God loves him. THe hard part will be when God takes away. Will he still know that God loves him?

I think of John in prison, sending some of Jesus followers to ask Him if He was the One. I paraphrase. " You are not taking care of me. Are you really who you say you are? And if you are.... why am I still suffering?"
Jesus' answer. "I am who I say I am. Blessed is he who is not offended by my allowing suffering in their life."

Blessed is he who is not offended when God does not bring the snow, or the baby, or the healing, the job, etc.

FOr Joshua, I believe that will come with time and with growth. Right now, I am glad that Joshua believes God loves him. It is great to have hold of that truth at 5.

He gives and takes away. Blessed be His name.

I didn't see it coming!

I had my (almost)annual eye exam yesterday. I have had at least 20 in my life. I have had the same puff of air blown into the same eyes each of these times. I know it is coming. I know it doesn't really hurt. I know it is best not to brace myself and try and relax. No matter how much I talk to myself and try to convince myself that nothing is going to happen.... "just keep your eyes open, Jill. Relax!!!!" .... I can not fool myself and I tense up in knots and await the dreaded PUFF!!!!!
I hate it every time. I hate it mostly because I can not control the way I act toward it. I have formed feelings about it and I know what to expect, thus I react.

God was smart in not giving us the full story line of our lives. We can not read the last chapter then return to chapter 40. We must take it as it comes. We have no idea when the PUFFS are coming. Yet, we know they are bound to come.

2006 was full of difficult PUFFS for us. Some of them could have been avoided if we had seen what was coming. We could have braced ourselves, been prepared, not loved wholeheartedly! Wait. That may be the point.

Maybe God knows that if we knew the PUFF was coming, we would brace ourselves and hold back. He needs us to love those He brings into our life with a whole heart. Not with a heart that is bracing for injury. I realize that some have received so many PUFFS in their life, that they brace for everything. PUFF or no puff. They are braced, prepared, ready to avoid hurt. What a difficult pose to maintain.

May we all let 2006 be the year that we fully relax, not anticipating the PUFF that may or may not come, but enjoying the beautiful views that He is sending. And may we, when the PUFFS come, relax and trust in the One who has created our vision.