Who needs a housekeeper, anyway?

Plus, their wives will thank me. And what fun cleaning can be!

Breaking

I just had a great break. The mountains of a Colorado! What could be better? Breaks are so good for helping your perspective. It is like stepping out of the forest to see the big picture. It is like climbing to the top of the mountain to get a bigger view of the story you are in. I needed a break. I return with a better idea of who and why I am.

Breaking. I highly recommend a daily dose.

Can I brag?

My firstborn and oldest son (far left) won third place in a writing contest for grades 7-12 (he is an 8th grader). A junior and senior won 1st and 2nd. His paper was incredible and he received very little help. Only proofreading for major errors. I am SO proud of him as his teacher and his mother. He received a cash award and a Border's gift card. Also, his writing will be published and available for check out at the library and his name will be on a plaque at the Bedford library forevermore. Is it Ok to brag? I think so. God bragged on his firstborn too. I am well pleased with my son. However, this award is not even close to the main reason I am proud of him! :)

The wounds of a friend

Have you ever noticed that the physical pain inflicted by someone you love and trust, hurts less? Our 5 year old crawled in bed with us the other night. I turned over and elbowed him pretty hard. I immediately grabbed him and apologized profusely. I knew how much it must have hurt.
" I am OK mommy, I'm OK.." he kept saying.

I don't understand this completely but I know that the Bible says that a wound of a friend can be trusted. So what exactly does that mean? Does it hurt less when a friend hurts you? It seems to me that the most hurts in my life have come from friends. Because I have allowed them to get so close, they have a straight shot at my heart. I do know that if someone hurts me and I know that they are not going to leave me, the pain is lessened. However, if I am afraid they will abandon me... their wounds really hurt.

I am still processing all of this.

Community

Our 18 month old likes to be in the backyard. We have a lot of room for him to run and play, but there are many things that could injure him. So... we try to keep him close to the big kids when he is outdoors. From the time he realized he could go, he has gone. He tries to leave our yard. He has been very curious. As soon as we open the back door, he tries to take off. However, I have seen a change in the last few days. Maybe it is a result of all the "no's", or a result of all the injuries inflicted by leaving the safety of his big siblings fellowship. For whatever reason, he has been playing close to them. It is a beautiful thing. No one has to chase him around, he doesn't get in trouble, he has his siblings to play with, his risk of getting hurt is much smaller. It is good. I am thankful that he is being to appreciate the value of fellowship, community.

Plain females

Male peacock trying to attract female peahens

Have you ever thought about this question? Why is it that in all of nature the female is the plainer looking. My friend and I had this discussion as we were walking by a group of rather loud peahens one day. They are downright plain looking. And they are almost unnoticeable. Compare this with the peacock who is amazingly beautiful. The same with cardinals, lions, chickens... My friend says it is because they don't have to be beautiful. They are beautiful to the males just because they are females. So why do human females spend so much time and money making themselves beautiful. Is it possible that we could be beautiful to males just because we are females? Why do we spend so much time, energy and money making ourselves up? Just a thought.

Stranger Danger

I was talking with a friend of mine who has spent the past ten years as a missionary in Brazil. She, her husband and three children are now living back in the U.S. One thing that has jumped out at her as a difference in the two cultures is the fear Americans have for their children. She said that Brazilians let their kids go anywhere, do anything. They seem to have no fear for their safety, even considering that they lived in the very big city of Rio de Janera. She was not advocating that Americans do as Brazilians, necessarily. However, she was just noticing the fear that Americans have for their children. One of those fears that seems to be out of proportion is the fear of strangers. She quoted statistics of the number of children abducted as opposed to the number of children who drown every year. There are significantly many more drownings (like 3000 more) per year, yet few people seem to be paranoid about drownings. What I have noticed is that if I am on a walk and see a child on a bike and say "Hi!" they usually ignore me. Or if I am in a store and try to help a young child who is having a problem they run screaming. Now, I know that I am a suspicious looking person, but it really hurts my feelings when they do this. I try not to take it personally though. I know that they have had it pounded in their head at home and school... "beware of strangers". Another sad thing to me is that adults have adopted that fear for themselves as well. How many of us stop to help someone who needs help on the side of the road? Especially if they look "suspicious" (Excluding my friend Clayton of course) If the story of the good Samaritan happened these days, we would totally justify walking right on by because, of course, it is foolish to stop and help a stranger. My friend and I decided that this whole "stranger danger" thing is a plot of the enemy to keep the church away from people. To keep them so afraid of strangers that they never meet one and instead "minister" within their holy huddle. I am not sure what the answer is for teaching our children to be safe, but I am getting the idea that God is not as big on safety as we are. Just my thoughts. That is what blogs are for. Right?

16 years

Today we celebrate the day two romantics married. Are we still romantic? I would say yes. Although the busyness and craziness of life would love to steal it away..... we are still hopeless romantics and still in love. Some have said they feel sorry for me because I miss out on Valentine's day because it is my anniversary. Don't feel sad for me! I do not feel like I am missing out on one ounce of romance in my life. And, there are some neat things about having an anniversary on the most romantic day of the year. It seems like the whole world is joining us in celebrating our special day.


Happy Anniversary Steve! You are an adventure! This adventure with you has been more than I would have dreamed. You have been a part of my favorite days in my life. I wouldn't trade them. Thanks for continuing to love me and rescue me and make me feel beautiful.

God loves me

Our precious Joshua turned 5 today. Five must be a big deal. It is the first birthday I remember. Our older kids all made a big deal out of five and seem to remember it. JOshua surely will not forget today. He woke us up early this morning with the sun to tell us he was 5. It was like Christmas morning to him. He was jubilant. He ran through the house telling us he was five.

Then.... he looked out the window. SNOW! Not predicted, not expected, not planned. A white carpet of snow lay outside coating the world! Joshua squealed with delight. "It's my birthday cake!" he proclaimed. "Now, I know God loves me". He continued to run through the house informing everyone that God had sent him snow. He prayed at our family breakfast. His prayer was so precious as he thanked God for making our family and for making the snow. I haven't got things figured out like Joshua. I don't know exactly when God is giving or taking away or what to make of it all. I love that Joshua's default is that God loves him. THe hard part will be when God takes away. Will he still know that God loves him?

I think of John in prison, sending some of Jesus followers to ask Him if He was the One. I paraphrase. " You are not taking care of me. Are you really who you say you are? And if you are.... why am I still suffering?"
Jesus' answer. "I am who I say I am. Blessed is he who is not offended by my allowing suffering in their life."

Blessed is he who is not offended when God does not bring the snow, or the baby, or the healing, the job, etc.

FOr Joshua, I believe that will come with time and with growth. Right now, I am glad that Joshua believes God loves him. It is great to have hold of that truth at 5.

He gives and takes away. Blessed be His name.

I didn't see it coming!

I had my (almost)annual eye exam yesterday. I have had at least 20 in my life. I have had the same puff of air blown into the same eyes each of these times. I know it is coming. I know it doesn't really hurt. I know it is best not to brace myself and try and relax. No matter how much I talk to myself and try to convince myself that nothing is going to happen.... "just keep your eyes open, Jill. Relax!!!!" .... I can not fool myself and I tense up in knots and await the dreaded PUFF!!!!!
I hate it every time. I hate it mostly because I can not control the way I act toward it. I have formed feelings about it and I know what to expect, thus I react.

God was smart in not giving us the full story line of our lives. We can not read the last chapter then return to chapter 40. We must take it as it comes. We have no idea when the PUFFS are coming. Yet, we know they are bound to come.

2006 was full of difficult PUFFS for us. Some of them could have been avoided if we had seen what was coming. We could have braced ourselves, been prepared, not loved wholeheartedly! Wait. That may be the point.

Maybe God knows that if we knew the PUFF was coming, we would brace ourselves and hold back. He needs us to love those He brings into our life with a whole heart. Not with a heart that is bracing for injury. I realize that some have received so many PUFFS in their life, that they brace for everything. PUFF or no puff. They are braced, prepared, ready to avoid hurt. What a difficult pose to maintain.

May we all let 2006 be the year that we fully relax, not anticipating the PUFF that may or may not come, but enjoying the beautiful views that He is sending. And may we, when the PUFFS come, relax and trust in the One who has created our vision.

At the risk of sounding like Scrooge, I just have to say, "What's up with Christmas????!!!" I personally LOVE giving gifts, so if I am being Scrooge, it is the redeemed Scrooge. However, I am sick of the Jesus hype at Christmas. I grew up believing that we should not celebrate Christmas as Jesus' birthday 1) because it probably isn't 2) we should celebrate His birth all the time not just one day a year. Since being out on my own, I have been through it all. There was a time when I started truly making a big deal out of Christmas being Jesus' birthday. There was a time when I avoided any discussion of Santa and did not want to play the Santa game with my children fearing they would think if I lied about Santa, I might be lying about Jesus. Anyway, all that to say, I am closer than I have ever been, in my thoughts, to what I grew up being taught. One thing that has really furstrated me this year on the most popular Christian radio stations around, is the slogan that one Christian station has embraced. It is "we are keeping Christ in Christmas'. I just hit me today after listening to this phrase for the last month! Exactly!!! That is exactly what the mainstream Christianity is doing! Keeping Christ in his box. Let's keep him where we can control Him. Otherwise He starts meddling with our stuff. And it isn't always polite or pleasant or nice. In fact chances are He will call us to do something crazy. Seems to be the way He usually works. I say let's let Christ out of Christmas. Let's let Him reign! I know, easier said than done. Merry Christmas.

INTIMACY

Since I received such encouragement on my "change of direction" blog. And since my best friend/husband is in Maryland... I am going to try again.

Intimate - to make known especially publicly or formally. (Webster's)

Intimacy is something I have been thinking about alot. To be known. We all want to be known. We all are known. We just don't always believe that.

I took my children to see The Nutcracker. We have been to the ballet before. My daughter especially loves ballet and took ballet lessons for years. This year was different, though. We actually knew one of the children in the show. He is a friend of my 10 year old, Benjamin. It changed everything to watch the performance knowing Matthew. We were eager to see him on stage. We cheered for him. We wanted him to succeed. No longer were the cute little children just cute little children. It was Matthew and his friends.



We have a small fellowship of believers that meet in our home every week. We know each other. We know when something is wrong. We are pulling for each other. No longer are these people faces in a pew or in a church directory. We know their stories. We hurt when they hurt. Knowing someone changes everything.

I can easily cut someone off in traffic and pull in front of them if they are going too slow, but if I look in the car and see my friend Carla! That changes everything. I know her. How can I cut her off!

A few weeks ago we went to an outdoor Christmas celebration. It was such fun for the kids! Bounce houses, pony rides, concerts, and a dog show. Steve and I separated to do different things with the kids. He took the baby and Christopher to see the dog show, while I took the othters to do various activities. After we met up, Steve started telling me about this out- of- control, 5 0r 6 year old child that ran onto the field. His mom could not get him to obey. She had to go in and get him. The dog show was disrupted. It sounded like a fiasco!!! I was appalled thinking what I would do if Joshua did something like that! He wouldn't dare!!!!! "Bad parenting", I thought to myself. But only for a split second before Steve said, "I think it was someone our neighbor knows" My heart immediately sunk as I thought of my walks with my neighbor every day for the past few months and her prayer requests for her friend who has an autistic child. The child looks normal in every way, but does not comprehend or behave like a normal child. He has many issues unrelated to his parent's discipline. Immediately my attitude changed toward the entire situation because I KNEW this story. This was the mother and child that I have been praying about for months! I know them! Wow. What a difference knowing makes.

I am not sure where to go with this... but I do take great comfort in knowing that He knows me. Better than I even know me. Somehow that comforts me. Because I know He made me. I was His idea. He takes full responsibility for me. Even the things I don't like about me. He knows those things. He made me this way. Sometimes I wonder WHY!!!!! Yet, he seems to like me.

I know my children. I saw their heart beats within days of their beginning. I want the best for them. Although sometimes they think I am being mean :) I really really want them to succeed. I really adore them. I see a reflection of me in their mannerisms. They make me smile.

Somehow, I think it would be easier for us to rest in His love if we really believed that He knows us - and not only that.... we were His idea. Wow. That is sobering.

A temporary? change in direction

I started this blog mostly to provide family pictures and updates to family and friends all over the world. I have avoided any deep conversations. That is what Steve's blog is for. However, it is my birthday and I feel a need to share something on the deeper side. I was in a discussion with a good friend about the body of Christ and denominations. I was explaining to her that our fellowship of believers is a hodgepodge of personalities and beliefs. We don't all believe the same things. I know that is heretical to some. After all, isn't that how churches start? People who all agree on the same things come together and say, "We have it all figured out, now let's invite others and tell them how it is?" I know I am being a little harsh on churches, but isn't that true. Can I become a member of your church if I believe in the rapture? How about if I celebrate Halloween? What if I am a Democrat? What I will try to find is a church that I agree with on most issues that I think are important. The interesting thought I had is - why is that different than any other group in the world? It's not. If there is a group of people that all have trouble with alcohol, an AA group is started. Jesus is not needed to hold that group together. Their common struggles and issues and beliefs hold it together. If there is a group who believe in gay rights- regardless of any other factors, that group can function because of their strong common belief in those rights.

What if a group of people got together and didn't see eye to eye on seemingly big stuff. What if regardless of our agreement, we chose to walk in love. Together. Isn't that how He said they would know we are Christians. It impresses the world to see a group of people walking together, in community, who have such different beliefs. The thing is none of those beliefs are big deals in light of love and Jesus. They just fall to the way side as we love each other.

You and I may read the same verses and you say that Jesus is going to reign on earth and I say he isn't. We both have college degrees and have read the verse in Greek. We have two different interpretations. That's OK. You can vote Democrat and I can vote Republican. You know what? The world is welcome in our gathering. You don't have to agree with me. You are welcome in our fellowship to receive His love and ours. Period. Wish there was more of that in the body.

Coach Steve

What a great joy it has been to watch Steve coach two of our son’s soccer teams. He has really given of his heart to all of the kids, as he has done much more for them than teach them soccer.
I will direct you to his site (I hope he doesn't mind) to hear from his own words how he loves these kids. http://lifeoftheway.blogspot.com/2006/10/first-play.html

Surprised by Joy

Last week we celebrated the first birthday of our precious Caleb. It was a special event for us. Caleb's life has coincided with many changes in our life and in our family. We are very aware that before the conception of Caleb, we would never have guessed the direction our life was about to take. Many changes. Many ups and downs. Caleb has been an unexpected surprise from the beginning.

I always liked surprises!

Rare jewels

How do I begin to tell you about Carla? There are some people that God allows in your life that are like rare jewels. Carla is one of those jewels. Steve and I first met Carla in the summer of 1996 when we were on a mission trip to Mexico. We loved her enthusiasm for Christ. It was contagious. Until this year, we had not seen Carla since 1996, but had heard of her journeys: to Italy as a missionary, her evangelism in Mexico, her marriage to one of our children's Sunday school teachers. We only hoped that our paths would cross again... and they have. Carla and her husband joined us at our church on Easter Sunday. (You can read about that on my first post). When she found out that we were planning to travel to Spain, she offered to tutor our children in Spanish. Since then we have had weekly meetings with Carla. They have brought us all great joy as we have learned together, laughed together, cried together, and prayed together. Last week we celebrated Carla's birthday with her as we thanked God for her life and for her impact on The Kingdom. A rare jewel indeed.

9 decades

A few weeks ago, we celebrated a great event. Steve's grandmother who we call GG, also known as Polly, turned 90 years old. What a life she has lived. She is an encourager, a woman of prayer, a giver... the list goes on. Steve credits her with praying him to a relationship with Jesus. She has on many occasions stayed awake all night praying. She is a hero to us. GG is at a hard place in life. Last year her only daugher died. Her groom died a few years ago. Her only son died as an infant. Friends are dying. She is getting homesick. Yet there is still so much to live for. She longs to see Christopher play football, Grace ice skating, Benjamin play soccer and Joshua learn to read. She longs to hear Caleb say "GG" for the first time. Fortunately, she will not make the decision when to leave. But she is ready whenever the time comes. We just won't be.

A field trip to remember

As the memories of our airport experience on the way home are fading, I am smiling at the memories of our visit to Spain. What an incredible visit to an incredible country. We learned more than I can begin to tell. How perfectly our trip fit in with our study this year of the middle ages. What a field trip! Here are a few things I learned on our trip:



God is big... Really BIG

We have been given an incredible creation!

People everywhere regardless of nationality want to be loved.

Friendship is one of the greatest gifts God gives.

It is great to have people you can count on. (Thank you Victor and Jennifer for picking us up and transporting us and to Nicolas and Lucia for being at the airport when we arrived in Spain - just on the other side of customs)



Here are a few of my favorite memories:

Experiencing "church" in the mountains of Asturias, Spain with our friends and companions on this trip.

Visiting a 9th century cathedral and seeing the dedication to the Trinity.

Sitting on the beach, as time stood still, watching 9 children and 3 adults have the time of their life - catching crabs, shrimp and playing in the waves and sand.

Hiking to the top of a very high mountain in Asturias to a natural lake with a breathtaking view.

Hiking to the top of another high mountain in another part of Asturias looking out over the world (another incredible view). Experiencing a party on top of the mountain including sack races and an incredible picnic!

Every evening returning to our incredible getaway in the mountains of Asturias with a chill in the air and the moon peaking out just above the mountains.

Memories of Spain

After a frustrating, humiliating, maddening 24 hours of airports and airplanes... we are home. Our trip was wonderful with the exception of the return home. However, I am too wiped out to write more at the moment.

More to come....

Losing and leaving

Steve's Granna died this Sunday AM. How interesting that it is almost a year ago that Steve's mom died on a Sunday morning also. Granna was the first family member I met after Steve's parents. She was ecstatic about Steve and my engagement. She reminded me that he was a good one and told him to take good care of me. She always spoke her mind. Sometimes it made people mad. After our third child she asked me if we were through and told Steve not to give me any more babies! I reminded her that she had four and asked her which one she would like to return. Of course, she said "none of them".

Granna grew up in the Christian church. She has always loved Jesus and known Him. She was re-baptized over a year ago when she started having doubts. It was a precious time to witness that event and watch her grow closer to the Lord. Now, she goes to be with her Groom. No more loneliness, no more "accidents", no more weight problems, no more high blood sugars. I am overjoyed for her. But, I already miss her.